On September 5, 2018, my world fell apart.  My husband of nearly 43 years passed away.  My guy, my love, my life–gone.  He had been sick for quite a while and the last two years were tough.  COPD is a terrible disease and a horrible thing to watch as your loved one struggles for every breath.  If you read “My Story” on this site, you know what he has gone through.

It’s not easy to talk about.  I want to share with you a poem I wrote in 2011 after my brother died at age 68.  It applies to any grief one goes through.   Today I reread it as I grieve the loss of my husband.

Prayer of Grief

                                                                   By Ellen Whitley

                       What is this heaviness I feel–this thing called grief?

                       Trapping me in a tomb with lava oozing down;

                       Dripping down the back of my neck; creeping ‘round my shoulders and chest.

                       It circles my heart and squeezes, making it beat erratically.

                       I feel numb, stooped like an old woman.

                       Empty; Hollow; Alone.

                       My cries are loud in my head, “Who can free me?” 

                      “I am afraid!” I shout; “does anyone hear?” 

                       A loving and omnipotent God will minister to me;

                      He, alone, will hear me and stay with me while I am bound;

                     “I will never leave you nor forsake you…..”

                     “Fear not, for I am with you…..”

                     “Be not afraid, for I am thy God……”

                      Because the walls are thick I can barely hear Him;

                      He never tires as he chips away at the stone, speaking soothing words of Love, Hope and Faith.

                      My heart beats slowly and steadily now as He breaks through the rocks around it.

                      He lifts me out of the rubble, sets me tenderly on His lap, holds me in His arms, and rocks me.

                      He alone is MY rock;

                      MY foundation;

                      MY God.

                                                                                                                       2011

Blessings or otherwise?  It is all in how you look at it.

First, let me say that Monday, May 16, started out as just a regular hot, summer day with great expectations of being OUTSTANDING!  After all, at 7:00 p.m. we were going to have our priest, The Rev. Anthony Hiatt, installed as priest-in-charge in the Episcopal Church of Wise County! (We have since become a mission and changed our name to Episcopal Church of the Resurrection) There was much to do.  I had made a list of all the things I needed to take to the church for the festivities because I knew I would forget something.

I think it was about 9:00 a.m. when I looked out the kitchen window in search of “the girls.”  On our little farm at the time we had one cow and her heifer—they were both pregnant and were both to deliver any day.  I noticed that Lily, the heifer, was lying down.  Hmmm, kind of strange early in the morning; usually she is up and grazing away.  I made a mental note to check on her.  It was around 10:00 a.m. that I went outside and still noticed her down, so off I went to check.  Sure enough, she was in labor.  She really is tame but she didn’t want me messing with her so up she got and off she went.  I watched her for about an hour and she had not progressed any at all—I could see the baby’s hooves but it didn’t seem that Lily was pushing hard enough.  Having no idea how long she had been in labor I called the vet; he said he would try to come out on his lunch hour because he thought she needed assistance.

Deborah, our next door neighbor, was kind enough to come over to help me get Lily into the pen.  Well, Lily didn’t want to go into the pen and around and around we went.  It is just too hard with only two people.  (May I say here that my husband walks with a prosthesis and is physically unable to walk in the pasture.)  I called another neighbor but he was unavailable.  Finally, another neighbor and his son came over and we got her into the pen.  By now it was about 1:30 p.m.   Our vet had called and said he couldn’t come until after 5:00 p.m. and that I should call another vet he recommended.  Of course, I called that vet and no one could come until after 4:00 p.m.  I hadn’t eaten a bite and after all the running around, I was somewhat dehydrated.  The neighbor’s grandson brought his trailer over and offered to take Lily to our vet and I gratefully accepted.

So, now, not having to worry about the girls, I went inside and tried to eat a small bite and drink some water.  I was lightheaded and wasn’t very hungry.  Now it’s 2:30 p.m. and I needed to get a shower and be ready to get to the church early enough to go over last-minute things, and I was assigned to usher.  I got out of the shower and I guess the steam worked against me, because I was so lightheaded I thought I would faint.  I lay down for a few minutes and thought I wouldn’t be able to go to the installation.  My husband came in and told me that I was getting into the car and I could choose what I wanted to do, go to the church or go to the Emergency Room.  I chose the church, of course.  As we drove there, I could barely look out the window.  I kept drinking water and I think I had soda, too.  By the time we got there I felt somewhat better.

We entered the church and found that our air conditioner was not cooling at all.  Terrific!  One of our members took a look at the unit but he couldn’t fix it.  It was extremely warm and stuffy in our little building and the old windows are unable to open.  So, the doors remained open throughout the service which allowed a little breeze to sneak in occasionally.  Oh my, we felt so sorry for the bishop and other clergy as they wore tons of vestments.  Everyone fanned themselves with the programs, trying to create a little cool air.

However, the service was wonderful, and afterward we had a fully-installed priest-in-charge.  On the veranda after the service we had many tasty snacks and drinks and the cool breeze was very much appreciated.

So, what can I say?  Blessings or otherwise?  It is all in how you look at it.  This day provided me with many blessings: new life, terrific, helping neighbors, a caring husband who knew just what I needed, and a loving church family.  All in all, I would say this day was OUTSTANDING!

Reconciliation:  to reconcile; to make friendly again; to settle differences; to bring harmony; to make content

Read:  2 Corinthians 5:17-20 New International Version (NIV)

Lent or Advent is a great time for Confession because both seasons are times for preparation and self examination.

Those of us in the Episcopal Church don’t think much about Reconciliation (or Confession).   But, Confession is indeed available to us as one of the Sacraments of the church.  The Reconciliation of a Penitent is on page 447 – Forms I & II, of the Book of Common Prayer.

I would like to share with you my very first Confession around age 45 or 46.  I didn’t even know how to go about it.  I was working for my church as their secretary–so the priest was not only my boss, but my spiritual advisor and friend.

He told me to pray about my Confession and to write down anything that preyed on my mind…things I had done in the past, if I had any ill feelings, unforgiven acts, etc.  He told me to work on the list for a week or so and when I was satisfied that it was complete, I would then make my appointment for Confession.

My time was set and as the hour grew closer, I began to tremble.  The priest had a chair setting diagonally in front of the railing facing the altar so I could still see his face from my kneeling position behind the railing, but he could not see me.  We began the service and when the part that says that I have sinned and to list them, I took out my two-pages and read them off.  My voice was shaky as each sin was stated.  When I was through the priest talked with me about some of them and gave me advice as to how I may grow in the experience.  He also gave me two or three psalms to read after he left and to think about the list, rereading it.

The really moving and very emotional part was when he told me after rereading my list, I was to tear it up and place it on the altar as I left because I was forgiven.  When I tore up those pieces of paper a heavy weight was lifted from me.  It was one of the most moving services I have ever attended.

I asked him how he could feel the same about people after he hears their confessions.  He said, “No one sin is greater than another.  Sin is sin and sin removes US from God’s presence.  God doesn’t remove Himself from us.”  Then he said that God has a special way of making priests forget about what they have heard–like He wipes it from their minds.  I thought that was cool.

Nothing that is worthwhile is ever easy and Confession is worthwhile.  If you have ever entertained the thought of making a Confession, believe me, you will not be sorry for doing so.

Have you ever heard people trying to describe God’s grace?  It’s kind of hard to describe something that is not palpable. We all know that we don’t have to see to believe.  So, what is God’s grace?

We humans are a strange lot—coming from all different walks of life!  But it doesn’t matter who you are, what you have done, or where you are going, God’s grace is with you whether you know it or not, whether you feel it or not—or even whether you actually accept it or not.  It is God showing His love for us regardless of our flaws.  It is God giving up his only Son to be the final sacrifice for our sins.  I sometimes can’t even put my mind around what Jesus did—FOR ME!

Try to think of God’s grace as a beautifully wrapped present; imagine in your mind the paper that covers the perfect box, the color and texture of the paper and how beautifully it wraps around the box with its corners perfectly matched and taped down.  Then there are the colorful ribbons—lots of ribbons and a big bow.  On top of the box is a card in an elegant gold-trimmed envelope.  Have you ever received a beautifully wrapped present like this before?  What did you do with it?   You probably opened the card first to see who it was from.  Then you unwrapped the box, of course.  It can’t really be YOUR present unless you unwrap it and accept it, right?  You are excited and just have to see what’s enclosed so you can ooh and aah and be amazed at the beautiful something inside.  Once you take the gift out of the box, you want to show its beauty and your face expresses how you feel; you want to share it.

Or, you can take the unwrapped box along with the unopened card and place it high on a shelf in your closet.  It is really pretty but you hate to have to tear the paper and cut the ribbons as you open it.  So, there it sits.  It’s not really YOUR present anymore; it’s just a box stashed away in your closet like a dozen other things you don’t use.  How sad that you don’t open it and experience the glory of God’s gift.

If you do decide to open the card, read the loving verse, untie the bow and excitedly tear into the paper eager to uncover the secret of what’s inside, once you lift the cover of the box you’ll never be the same again!  For God’s grace is inside and as it floats out of the box and gently settles over and through you, His love will grow stronger and deeper inside of you.  You will know that His grace is all that you will ever need.  You realize that you don’t really deserve such a grand gift as this, but it doesn’t matter to God because He wants you to have it.  The sacrifice He made for us is what makes you realize just how loving a God He is.

Every living being on this earth has a beautifully wrapped present such as this.  Will you hide it away in the closet or will you actually let it be YOUR gift by unwrapping it, experiencing it, and then showing it off for all the world to see?  It’s your choice.

One year and counting!  On February 6 we celebrated our first anniversary as a community of faith.  How nervous I was to go to this meeting in Boyd, wondering what we would say and do.  I prayed that morning, asking our Lord to let me speak His words and to fill me with His peace.  It was an exciting thought that, with God’s help, we were going to bring the wonderful Episcopal tradition to Wise and her surrounding counties.

I mentioned one time during the announcements how “we have waited so long to have a church building.”  After I said that I said, “Well, I guess it wasn’t that long, seeing as it has only been 3 months from our very first organizational meeting!”  We kind of laughed at that.  Plus, it was only 3-1/2 months before we were appointed a Priest-in-Charge. Because of all the hard work of our faithful congregation we have a beautiful historic building in which to worship.

We had our very first Annual Parish meeting on January 31, 2016.  Canon Janet Waggoner helped us as we made goals as a Mission Station in the Episcopal Diocese of Fort Worth.  At that meeting our first Bishop’s Committee was established.

Class of 2017

Clydie Walker

Pat McGowan – Clerk

Class of 2018

Jill McClendon – Senior Warden

Julie Lundy-Booker

Class of 2019

Angie Whitley – Treasurer

Ellen Whitley – Junior Warden

At this time, I would like to give thanks for the following contributions which allow us to have a beautiful space in which to worship and to help things run smoothly:

• Hand-made altar, Paschal candle stand, lectern, credence table, candle holders, altar book stand, stand for the processional cross, Sanctus bell box.

• Hand sewn frontals for the altar and lectern as well as veils and burses for the chalice, in white, purple, green, and soon to be—red.

• Hand-hewn cedar cross which hangs on the wall behind our altar.

• 1965 Conn organ which was donated by a member of the Decatur community. We give thanks for the donation by one of our members for the repair of the organ.  It sounds wonderful.

• For our organist who prayerfully chooses our hymns and leads us in our “Joyful noise unto the Lord…” — Psalm 100.  Music makes for a beautiful experience during worship.

• For our great priest and his precious wife for leading us and feeding us with God’s word and showing us the love of Christ.

• For all who serve: our acolytes, lay readers, and ushers.  You’re the best!

• For those who dust, sweep, and clean the sanctuary. It’s great that we have folks to help keep our building tidy.

• For our newly formed Bishop’s Committee.  Now we can really move forward to do what God has planned for us.

• For all who bring goodies (coffee, donuts, other sweet and savory snacks) for our social time after the service.

• For those offering to organize a Mission of the Month, and to all who donate. It amazes me each time we collect items to donate.  The hearts of this congregation are caring and giving—it makes me so proud.

Please forgive me if I have forgotten anything.  I also want to thank you all for your support of our journey in this area of the diocese.  Without your prayers it would have been a difficult year.  Hard work, prayer, love, God’s grace, His guidance—all these have been with us on this walk.  I know we will continue down the right path because Jesus walks with us each step of the way.

May God richly bless each and every one of you.

Many people believe if they donate money to a cause they can then forget about the charity, mission, or people who might be receiving the funds.   But, giving is more than that.  Giving from the heart means to put yourself in their place and perhaps even try to feel what they are feeling.  I know that if something touches me, I will do what I can to help.  Time and talent are two other ways to give; time being the hardest for most folks to give, especially in this day and age of everyone racing everywhere without stopping to  breathe.   Of course, if you have a particular talent, giving of that talent where needed is such a blessing to others.  When you combine time AND talent on any one particular mission, the sky is the limit on what can be accomplished.  That is why God has seen fit to give different talents to different people.

Open up your hearts by sitting quietly and letting God speak to you.  Ask Him to show you where He needs you to be. Believe me, opportunities will arise where your talents are needed.  Then you must be willing to give some of your time to accomplish your goals.  You will be amazed at how good it makes you feel to reach out and touch someone.

The Episcopal Church of Wise County along with The Episcopal Church of Wichita Falls provided a ramp for Marsha Van Etten de Chant of Wichita Falls.  Mother Amy Haynie bought the materials needed and Marquis Whitley built the ramp in his workshop.  With the help of Deborah and Fred Dery, Ellen and Marquis Whitley delivered the ramp and installed it on Wednesday, September 30, 2015.